More Consideration and Respect in Your Tabletop RPG Group

A few weeks ago, I had the chance to take part in a handful of playtests for the system Pagan Pacts. The official itch.io page describes the system as follows:

Quick and easy to learn System for a Viking Fantasy experience. Explore the mystical island of Saare, where the spirits of nature have reclaimed their rightful land and humans are confined to small communities.

itch.io Pagan Pacts

I really enjoyed the system. The rules are easy to understand, quick to run, and characters are created quickly. Adventures in Pagan Pacts thrive on the decisions players make. Many systems claim this as their goal, but Pagan Pacts actually manages to anchor that intent in its rules by awarding so-called Boosts for good decisions, which players can later use however they like to gain an advantage. This lets the DM not only reward specific playstyles and steer the adventure accordingly, but also gives players the feeling that they are the architects of their own fortune.

But this post isn't about Pagan Pacts, promising as it is. I only wanted to mention it because during the playtests I was introduced to a practice for fostering more consideration, empathy, and respect among players. It was introduced to me under the term "check-in round."

What Is It?

The check-in round is something I'd recommend every group of players do before a shared session. It's simply a concept for sharing how everyone is feeling with each other.

Going around the table, starting with a random person or whoever volunteers to go first, everyone takes a bit of time to explain to the other players how they're feeling. All other players are expected to listen attentively.

How much detail you go into, or whether you want to say anything at all, is entirely up to each person. Sometimes a simple "This week was really exhausting, but I'm really looking forward to today's session." is enough, or even just an "I'm not doing so great today." It's also completely fine to pass. That, too, sends a clear signal to the others.

You don't have to answer follow-up questions if you're not ready to. Nobody is forced into anything. The fact that everyone has gathered and is sacrificing the next few hours of their time already says a lot about their expectations. Everyone wants to dive willingly into a fantastical adventure and have a good time. The check-in round, however, additionally provides context for why the players have sat down at the table. Someone who shares that the last few days have been hard is very likely looking to escape everyday life a little in the upcoming adventure and hopes for a few wins. The check-in round thus makes clear why the players are engaging with the adventure and what they hope to get out of it for their own well-being.

How Do I Handle It?

How can I, as a player or as a DM, handle the check-in round? If I'm not doing well myself, it's helpful to share that with the other players. Simply sharing information about your emotional state is already 95% of the work, because it gives everyone else enough information to adjust their own behavior accordingly.

If you find yourself being the person who's doing emotionally best, you can help others have a great time during the following session. That's not about being rewarded — in most cases, it's simply a lot of fun. The following list is meant to serve as inspiration:

Help other characters achieve their goals, even if it means your character has to take a hit for it.
Give other characters spotlight moments where they get to be the heroes of the story.
Deflect the consequences of bad die rolls away from other characters by having your character bear or cushion the consequences instead.
Outside of the game, help support players during difficult moments.
Share your loot with other characters. Maybe they'd appreciate some extra gold or a special magic item.
As the DM, you can also simply hold back on harsh consequences if the person in question is already dealing with difficulties in real life.

In general, these points can be summed up as: allow a bit more meta-gaming than usual, in order to help others feel better.

What's In It for Me?

The whole practice has several benefits. It strengthens the group's culture. All players feel more comfortable—and are therefore more likely to return to the table. On top of that, it supports the group's empathy. Because without necessarily having to talk about your real, private problems, you support each other emotionally on a playful level.

But not all that glitters is gold. Check-in rounds are a great tool for groups to strengthen their bond as players—but also to put it to the test. After all, it takes courage to admit in front of others that you're not feeling well. Opening up emotionally makes you vulnerable. With the wrong people at the table, this can lead to disappointment or even become hurtful.

Should it happen that players use check-in rounds to their own advantage by manipulating others, or that they show no effect at all and players knowingly ignore each other's emotional state, that's unfortunate, but also revealing. At that point, the masks have fallen, and you know for certain what kind of people you're sitting at the table with—and you can draw your own conclusions from that, either alone or as a group.

I would recommend every group planning to tackle an emotional, roleplay-heavy campaign hold a check-in round before every single session—including Session Zero. The earlier this tool is used, the sooner you'll find out whether a group is ready, or whether the players are suited to opening up to emotional situations together. Getting to know a group's underlying culture can be scary. But it also offers the chance to gain certainty, without much effort, that you're sitting at a table with people around whom you can be completely yourself.